Return of the Blogger

Since I disappeared from the blogging habit for a bit, I’d like to provide a brief glimpse into why I’m coming back to blogging. I started blogging while I was in college, it was useful for chronicling experiences and reflecting on the different ideas I was discovering. Then I graduated and stopped learning new ideas so it seemed pretty pointless.

Kidding! In reality, or at least my reality, I found the whole transition to the real world more trying than anticipated, and definitely trying in unanticipated ways, so the blog fell to the wayside or maybe it was under the couch (I’m not a very neat person). It managed to go way down on my priority list, which I definitely feel was a mistake because I truly enjoyed the creative outlet and the blogging community. I’d considered coming back before, but it seemed so awkward. Like when you haven’t called a friend for a while and know you should, but the longer it takes you the more strange that initial call will feel. It reminds me of this scene from Sherlock.

Sherlock: giving social cues for awkward people

Me after not talking to someone for an awkward period of time.

However, I’ve decided to suck up the awkwardness and return to blogging. I’m going to participate in the Blogging 101 course in the hope it’ll give me some good ideas and get me back on my feet. Right now I’m a bit more on my butt. I almost wrote “on my knees,” but I know how perverted the internet likes to act.

I’m not entirely positive what my blog topics will be. Probably posts inspired by my life or the lives of fictional characters (I read a lot…I also watch TV a lot, but I don’t brag about that as much). I’m currently working a real life full-time job where I assist a police department’s domestic violence unit. Sometimes life gets a bit jaded and gloomy, so I’m really excited for the creative outlet I hope blogging will provide. I have two cats, a couch, and some vegetables in my fridge. My life is semi-together. I’ll most likely write about what my friends and I like to call adulting. It’s something I’m working on. I also like nerd culture and incorporating an insane amount of TV references and images I find on Pinterest into my blogs. If you stick around, maybe we can see what crazy writing I get up to together. I’m looking forward to rejoining this lovely blogging community.

Best wishes,


I want to channel Paris at these moments.

PSA: Don’t tell someone they look really young

I’ve been on vacation for the week (yay!) and had an experience with a hotel clerk that left me feeling the need to start ranting on the internet. Here’s the short version. The hotel clerk tells me and my mother the happy hour times and then looks and me and say “not for you, you’re too young.” Then when my mother states I’m 23, he proceeds to exclaim how I look like a baby. Cue my *smiling while thinking snarky, sarcastic comments face.* Example: You look too old to be a hotel clerk, or you look like you need the drink more than I do anyways. My inner voice is mean sometimes. This is why I don’t say everything that pops into my head out loud.

I want to channel Paris at these moments.

I want to channel Paris at these moments.

For the record, I’m aware I look young (I understand when people card me!), but I certainly don’t look like a baby. If I looked like a baby then I would probably be much more successful at trying to convince someone to make me food and pay my bills and buy me fun toys. Being a baby is easy. The only easier life is that of a cat because you get more naps and are less helpless.

Anyways, I’ve decided the next person to tell me I look too/really young is going to get back a nasty, blank stare of disdain. It’ll be terrifying. I’ve made grown men cry. Not with that stare, but it’s still an impressive credential.

Haters gonna hate.

Chuck always tells it like it is.

For the betterment of human society, I’m going to provide a handy guide on how to avoid pissing off a young looking person.

Here’s the proper way to ask someone’s age (if you really must know):

Questioner: How old are you?

Respondent: I’m ____.


I mean this. Stop talking about it. Comment on the weather or the state of affairs in the middle east or how upset you get when Meredith and Derek fight on Grey’s Anatomy.

What usually happens:

Questioner: How old are you?

Me: I’m 23.

Questioner: Holy shit, that’s amazing, I thought you looked really young, wow, people might fly to Mars but this is a way more fascinating and hard to believe fact. Are you sure? Like, really? Well I bet you’ll love looking young when your older. I just can’t believe it. Did you go to school? Do you have a job? How do you function in this abnormal state?

IF you ask my age and then refuse to believe me, you suck! I wish bad happenings upon you. I hope you step on a Lego. I hope you accidentally put your contacts in inside out so they bother you all day. I hope you go home and your pets don’t want to cuddle with you and then sit on your face when you’re asleep.

Why would I possibly lie about being 2?. Nobody likes you at 23. Blink 182 wrote a whole song about it. You’ve got two years of legally being able to do everything under your belt and now you’re just sad about having loans and acquiring more adult responsibility than you’re prepared to manage. I’ve got a retirement account that for all of my depth of understanding regarding its function could be a mythical unicorn and make more sense plus the other day I got this strange urge to coordinate my furniture. Gross. I’m not pretending to be 23.

When the wrath of my righteous anger cooled down, I was trying to understand why people questioning my age bothered me so much. In the grand scheme of life, it is an insignificant inconvenience. After reflection and meditation (okay so I just slept on it), I realized people aren’t very nice to youth. Society is ageist. I’d guess this happens to young people and old people, but I haven’t been an old person yet so I can’t really speak for them. As a young adult who apparently looks like a teenager, people have very low and condescending expectations for young people. My age is not relevant for many of the jobs I’ve done, but somehow becomes a qualification that needs to be established. Everyone has different life experiences. Age is such a useless benchmark of ability or maturity. I know old young people and young old people. Plus my experience in the full-time workforce is that everyone appreciates how young I am when they can’t work their internet or smart phone. You will need me one day! Don’t piss me off.

Cue the end of my rant. I don’t really want anyone to step on a Lego. I’m not a monster! I’m merely asking we all think before we speak sometimes. I’m going to work on not telling tall people they’re tall, please work on not telling people who look young how young they look. The world will be a happier place and we’ll have more time to discuss important matters like the color of dresses and runaway llamas.

Best Wishes!


Street Kitty: the Anthem of my Cat

Warning: I use/cross out offensive language…

I heard a rumor that the internet loves cats. I also love cats and specifically love my cat, Luna. My roommate and I adopted Luna on a $5 adoption day. Who doesn’t love a sale? Who does’t love adopting pets? That wasn’t rhetorical, the answer is bad people. Bad people don’t like sales and pets. Luna decided she needed a theme song because apparently singing na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Kitty Cat wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, I have no musical ability so I’m adapting part of the lyrics to “Rack City.” This isn’t an endorsement of Rack City’s lyrics, I’m changing those, that’s kind of the point. I just like the beat.

Here’s the inspiration behind the song:


My cat, Luna, shows me who is boss.

“Rack City” Street Kitty

Rack, rack, city bitch, city bitch Street, street, kitty bitch, kitty bitch
Rack, rack, rack city bitch, city bitch, rack Street, street, street kitty bitch, kitty bitch, street
Rack, rack, rack city bitch, city bitch Street, street, street kitty bitch, street kitty
Mutha on the beat Get her off the street
Hah! Hah[Verse 1:]
Rack city bitch, rack, rack city bitch Street kitty bitch, street, street kitty bitch
Ten ten ten twenties on ya titties bitch five five five stringies for my kitty bitch
100 deep V.I.P. no guest list kindred peeps, B.F.F. no unrest
T-Raw you don’t know who you fucking with? No pet law! don’t know who you fronting with
Got my other bitch fucking with my other bitch One after another, purring with my silly pet
Fucking all night nigga we ain’t celibate Playing all night, huggin, we ain’t sleepy yet
Make it sound too dope I ain’t selling it Play a bit around, ain’t overselling it
Bar fresher than a motherfucking peppermint Nothin’ better than a kitty-hugging regiment
Gold Letterman last kings killing shit Solid sentiment, adopt a kitty bitch
Young money young money yeah we getting rich Young kitty, young kitty, yeah we getting it
I Got ya grandma on my dick (ha ha) I got ya grandma a kitty pic (ha)
Girl you know what it is Kitty love is what it is

[Hook: x2]
Rack city bitch, rack, rack, city bitch [x3] Street kitty bitch, street, street kitty bitch

Ten, ten, ten, twenties and the fifties bitch five five five stringies for my kitty bitch*
*Lyrics were found on
Sing it while listening to the uncensored version (it goes from the beginning to about 1:30) for an embarrassing, but hopefully enjoyable time. I can’t add an audio otherwise I promise I would. I’m sure your rap voice is prettier than mine.
Best Wishes,

How To Answer “What Are You Doing After Graduation?”

My college graduation day is quickly looming closer. Apparently at some point I started accumulating enough credits to end up with a degree and that seems to signal it’s time to leave. Now I need a plan. A life plan. At least that seems to be expected. I’m sure I’m not the only person who announces impending graduation and than constantly is queried about future plans. I’m tired of awkwardly trying to succinctly summarize my possible options/pretending I actually know what I’m doing. In case anyone can relate, here are my top ten answers to inspire awe and jealousy in family and friends/end the interrogation.

Answers To What Are You Doing After College

Going to Hogwarts!

Okay I'm getting tired of the "keep calm" posters, but I love anything Harry Potter unconditionally.

Okay I’m getting tired of the “keep calm” posters, but I love anything Harry Potter unconditionally.

Tell people you are going to Hogwarts. Really sell it by sending yourself an acceptance letter. Try this website. Don’t worry about not being eleven. They can make a letter look like it was lost in transit (Owl transit of course).

Becoming a Vampire Slayer

Someone needs to kill Edward Cullen.

Someone needs to kill Edward Cullen.

I’m going to be honest, I double dip this answer. I also use it to explain what I’m going to do with my criminal justice degree. If this seems too ambitious the answer may be modified to watching all of the episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on repeat.

 Becoming A Professional Nail Polish Namer

Want to know the toenail polish I’m wearing is called? Houston we have a purple. If you understand both terrible puns and alliteration, you can handle this job. I found a whole blog dedicated to bad nail polish names. Taking on the career might be doing the world a service.

Reading All of the Books

Reading is my happy place.

Reading is my happy place.

This is a totally plausible plan. All it requires is a library. It would take a long time to read a whole library worth of books.



Netflix has over 50,000 movies and shows. Someone needs to rate them all. If might as well be you. You could even claim non-profit status. This is an important world service.

Marrying Rich

Gilmore Girls always knows the best way to handle life.

In the interest of progression I would like to point out this is a valid option for both boys and girls.

Taking over the World

Watch out for those shiny things.

Watch out for those shiny things.

The bonus of this answer is that most sane people don’t harass anyone who declares a desire for world domination. Don’t worry, this doesn’t require being evil. Feel free to be a benevolent world ruler.

Getting Pregnant and Collecting Child Support

Unlike many of my other plans that are inspired by the books and television, this plan is musically inspired. I enjoy listening to rap music when physically punishing my body with jogging. One of my favorite artists for exercise purposes is Kanye. Kanye West’s song “Gold Digger” triggered this plan. In case you haven’t heard it. Here’s the most inspiring segment.

18 years, 18 years
She got one of your kids, got you for 18 years
I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids
His baby mamma’s car and crib is bigger than his
You will see him on TV any given Sunday
Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai
She was supposed to buy your shorty TYCO with your money
She went to the doctor got lypo with your money
She walking around looking like Michael with your money
Should’ve got that insured got GEICO for your money, money, money
If you ain’t no punk holla we want prenup

Doing Something Vaguely Awesome

I have this posted on my bedroom wall.

I have this posted on my bedroom wall.

There is magic in being vague. As long as the answer is delivered with confidence it woks. If someone asks what doing epic shit means, just repeat epic shit. You could be saving the world or you could be recovering from eating Taco Bell. Nobody will know because of the magic of being vague.

If anyone begins to question your plans simply turn the table. It doesn’t matter how old someone is, nobody knows what they’re doing. If I’m wrong and you do know what you’re doing, let me know how you worked that out.

Best Wishes,


How To Not Write

Some tasks it’s easy to not do. I easily not murder people because I don’t feel any inclination to do so (usually). Writing is a different beast. I love writing. At least sort of. I’ve heard quotes along the lines of hating writing, but loving having written. The moment a story is finished isn’t my favorite part of writing. My favorite time is when I have an idea I love and I’m just about to start my project. There is so much potential in that moment. The story exists vividly in my head. I’ve written pieces I love, but never felt I fully transferred that vision in my head to paper.

This tends to cause me to stretch out that moment before the actual writing takes place, but I feel too guilty if I completely avoid the writing. I went to Catholic school as a child and developed quite a tendency for good old fashioned motivational guilt. I’ve learned to assuage this guilt and still avoid accomplishing writing. Here are my favorite ways to work on writing without writing.

Top Five Guilt Free Ways to Not Write

1. Research Your Story

This is the best way to go because it’s actually necessary. It can also easily end up leading to a journey into strange corners of the internet. For a fantasy piece I was writing I needed to research how far a person can travel on horseback in a day in order to come up with reasonable distances my character could travel. The question wasn’t as easy to answer as I hoped. I usually start my research with the laziest method possible and enter my question into google. I spent too much time on a trail started by a Yahoo! Answers. I learned about different amazing horse races that happen all over the world and ended up watching Hidalgo instead of accomplishing much writing, but I did eventually find the info I needed.

2. Research Writing

This is my go to way to avoid writing. I love reading about writing. I know I’ve done this quite a few times because I save most of my research on writing to Pinterest. Feel free to check out my writing board to prompt your own guilt free writing procrastination. Two of my favorites are the pin about Stephen King quotes on writing and Neil Gaiman’s writing rules. I love both authors. I also love Pinterest. You never know when you’ll come across information you might want later and Pinterest is a great place to save it.

3. Read Good Writing

As if I really need an excuse to read more books. I truly believe reading can improve your writing. There are different ways to interpret what constitutes “good” writing. What I believe is good writing doesn’t matter. Read what inspires you. Read to remember the magical power letters have when arranged in a pleasing manner.

4. Read Bad Writing

Bad writing helps me in two ways. First, it’s a good reminder of what not to do. Maybe the writing is bad because it’s sexist or lacking any sensible grammer. Notice what you don’t like and decide not to do it. The second way it helps me is by giving me a bit of an ego boost. Writing takes guts. If someone else can put bad work out their, I can share what I write. Heck, sometimes not so great writing even sells. I’m thinking Twilight here. What is the worst that can happen. You write something bad and people don’t like it. Who cares? You just disliked someone else’s writing and everyone is leaving the situation unscathed. Maybe you even learned a lesson or two.

5. Seek Inspiration

This is the easiest way. Do exactly what you would do on a normal day. Convince yourself that living life is the best way to gain inspiration for your writing. Those three hours of watching reality television in your pajamas could inspire the next great American (or whateverican) novel.

6… A bonus sixth option is writing a blog post about how you aren’t writing. At least there will be an end product.

What to you do when you don’t want to write but probably should be writing? I could always use more ideas.

Best Wishes,


Terrible and Disturbing Things are in this Post

If you decided to read this article after looking at the title then we probably suffer from a similar condition. The layman’s term for this condition is curiosity. Curiosity is very dangerous. I have it on good authority that curiosity is wanted on murder charges.

You deserve this terrible pun for reading my article despite the warning in the title. I didn’t create this image I believe it’s from this blog

So far curiosity hasn’t murdered me, but it certainly causes me problems. Curiosity first became troubling in elementary school. Kids have especially cruel techniques for picking on each other and one of the most common is when a whole group is laughing about some inside joke and won’t share. Being the curious child I was, I always wanted to know. I never seemed to believe people if they told me I didn’t want to know something. Sometimes I should have. Other kids definitely told me things I wasn’t ready to know. Friend’s with older siblings seem to know the most. It was a bit traumatizing when I learned Santa wasn’t real and even more traumatizing when I learned what Shaggy was denying in “It Wasn’t Me.” I sang that song for weeks!

I wish I could ask my younger self what I thought this meant.

My issues with curiosity only worsened as I gained internet access. The internet is full of information I wish I didn’t know. Watching videos of the food industry turned me into a vegetarian (there are other factors, but that definitely played a large role). Just yesterday I clicked on an article about the worst ways people are executed. Why would I need to know this information? I don’t know. Still, I read it and it was gross. Ridiculously gross. You’re probably thinking how gross can it be. You’re thinking that because you have a problem. I’m an enabler so I’ll let you read it for yourself.

My relationship with curiosity isn’t solely mental abuse. There has been physical pain. My tongue suffers from curiosity and often thinks, “I wonder how hot this food or drink item I just heated up and made hot actually is.” Then I burn it. A burnt tongue is a miserable experience. Most of the time I don’t even register my tongue’s existence, but it sure is annoying when it’s in pain. I also may have jumped off a jungle gym with an umbrella because I was curios if I would float. I’m not admitting to doing that, but if I had it definitely hurt a lot.

Anyone an all knowing internet doctor with a cure for this awful disease? Right now I’m treating my case of curiosity with college, but that doesn’t seem to be helping.

Best Wishes,


I’m giving Orange Is the New Black four Netflix stars

There are a few caveats to my review of this show. I’ve only watched the first four episodes. I haven’t watched any of the other TV shows about women’s prisons. I do not have cable and this may have completely warped my sense of what is and isn’t good television but cable costs so much money! Okay, so now I’m going to tell you to do something. Watch Orange Is the New Black on Netflix.

The show is about an educated, juice cleansing, Mad Men watching women who gets sent to prison for a crime she committed ten years ago. It’s based on a book based on a true story. I usually read books before watching tv shows/movies, but I started the show before doing my proper research. If you’re a trailer person you can check it out here. Orange Is the New Black trailer.

The main reason I love this show is because it surprised me. Normally I watch TV and can predict what’s going to happen. That’s fine and comforting and makes me feel good about my skills of understanding foreshadowing, but it’s crazy boring. In my opinion from the first few episodes I’ve watched the episodes improve as it continues.

The other main reason I watch this show is for Laura Prepon. Laura played Donna in That 70’s Show. I adored that show as a teenager (and now). In Orange Is the New Black I get to see Donna Laura (she’s always been Donna to me, but maybe this show will change that) in the role of lesbian drug lord. Which is awesome! Don’t worry that isn’t much of a spoiler, a lot comes out in the first episode and is obvious from trailers and the general internet hype over the show.

I don’t think this show will make you understand the prison system or give you a new lease on life. I do however believe it is a lot of fun to watch. That seems like what I want my television shows to do. Now I’m going to go watch another episode. Hopefully I won’t binge and finish them all. If you give it a chance let me know what you think.

Best wishes!


P.S. Another good Netflix Original is House of Cards. It’s a sexier West Wing. Wow I watch too much TV…